International Maritime Satire Week Warning: The following is a piece of fiction intended to elicit insight through the use of satire and written by those who do not make a living being funny – so it’s not serious and very well might not be funny – but apparently producer Todd Stanley thought so (see comments below).
SILVER SPRING, MD—Following a loss in ratings to NBC’s Stars Earn Stripes, the Discovery Channel has decided to change the setting of its award-winning reality fishing show Deadliest Catch to the South China Sea.
Sources indicate that Discovery intended to cancel the series until Deadliest Catch producer Thom Beers presented the idea of moving the setting to either the Strait of Hormuz or the South China Sea. With the annual ratings boost from Shark Week a year away, Discovery elected to keep the show and film the next season in the hotly contested Southeast Asian waters.
When asked about the drastic change, Beers said, “The South China Sea is a great move for the series and the hardy American fishing crews viewers have come to love – Wizard, Time Bandit, Northwestern, Cornelia Marie, they’ll all be there. It’s home to a competitive fishing environment and surrounded by countries that have a passion for the sea. You’ve got Chinese, Filipinos, Vietnamese, Malaysians, and Indonesians out there sailing together. Now we’re throwing Americans right into the middle of this great, dynamic environment.”
Beers explained that the region’s depleted fishing stocks will actually enhance the show’s intensity because it raises the stakes for the competing fishing vessels. “These guys will be fighting each other for every single fish—literally,” said Beers said with a grin.
Sig Hansen, Captain of the fishing vessel Northwestern, also expressed confidence in adapting to the new environment. “If there’s one thing that we need to master right away, it’s persistence. We can’t turn around no matter what or who is in front of us.” Hansen also talked about the safety situation. “In the Bering Sea, we didn’t always have the Coast Guard backing us up because of the conditions. However, we’re told that in the South China Sea all these different nations send in their Coast Guard and military vessels to patrol the area. It’s a lot safer in my opinion.”
The lack of an American port does not deter Beers from basing the show in the region. His team plans to set up their base on one of the sea’s many islands. Producer Todd Stanley, Beers’ partner, said “Look, a lot of these islands, like the Spratly’s, don’t have any residents. We’re thinking, why not go in take one for ourselves? Of course, we would do the proper legal thing and make sure to hoist an American flag to keep everyone calm.”
Stanley revealed that the ships could just anchor at the Scarborough Shoal if they cannot find an island. “We’ll just follow the Chinese model, if necessary, and show up with an old-looking map with some lines drawn around things. I’ve got an old place-mat from my childhood. Do these dashes around Australia mean I own it? Who knows, they could just be spaghetti stains – the important point is it would take the UN years to sort through our claim.”
When asked for a statement, the Association of Southeast Asians (ASEAN) could not respond with an official comment. Deputy Press Secretary Naoko Saiki believes that the story is a hoax. “It’s hard to believe America is home to a television series about crab fishing…this is probably fabricated by one of the nationalist groups in the region. Everyone knows that Americans only watch Jack Baur.”
Discovery announced that they are also moving Sons of Guns to Iraq and American Loggers to the forests in Colombia. Production on Season 9 starts in October and will premiere on the Discovery Channel in early April.
The statement by the Japanese MFA Deputy Press Secretary was priceless.
Hi, I’m from Australia and i love the deadliest catch and there are many other Aussies that do too.
LMFAO!! Seriously… that’s some funny shit! Todd Stanley
Todd, I hope this is a joke. Just not sure if it would fly, but I’m not a producer, so what would I know.
It says its satire, but is it or is it a market study?
I really thought Discovery was thinking of cancelling…
I couldnt live without all of you
That’s pretty awesome that you and Thom are partners. You’re loaded T!
I am a faithful follower of Deadliest Catch. I’ve got seasons 1-8, and I watch them all the time. I’m looking forward to a new adventure. I love and pray for all of those brave men, who risk themselves…so we can be fed, entertained…and who allow us to be a part of their story. I’m a huge fan, and can’t wait for season 9 to come out on DVD. I’d love to be pen-pals via email with anyone… who needs encouragement, or a friend…or a prayer. I thank the casting crew, producers, directors, film crew, the fishermen, and all involved in bringing such an awesome series. May God protect, guide and bless you all for your due diligence. A Phoenix Arizona fan, Cori
Hi. I am a avid fan of deadliest catch. Do you think this is true about change of location?
lets be pen pals cori? im from the UK – let me know and hope to hear from you soon
Wtf!!
The show was great, I think the loss in ratings was the passing of Phil Harris, his sons still kept the show alive, and Sig and the rest.
AMEN TO THAT, I STILL MISS, MR ONE LINER , & HIS SONS ,JOSH & JAKE, ARE TRUELY A CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK, AS I WAS VERY LUCKY, TO HAVE MET THEM, AT THE 2 BIT SALOON, IN AUGUST,26,2010. I ALSO MET SOME MORE OF THE GUYS OF THE SHOW WHILE I WAS THERE, I WAS VERY HAPPY, TO HAVE MET THEM . I ALWAYS PRAY TO GOD THAT, THEY ALL COME BACK HOME, TO ALL THERE, FAMILY & FRIENDS, SAFE & SOUND. MAY GOD BLESS THEM ALL !!!! & ALSO , STUFF THERE TANKS. !!!!
IU am pretty sure crab boats are unarmed so they would have to be outfitted with some self defense capability.
Have you seen the firepower the Time Bandit guys have – Pretty sure they can hold their own unless that Chinese Carrier shows up
I love this show!!! Can’t wait for season 9 !! I hope jake and josh come back on their boat Cornelius Marie!!
Love all u guys from deadliest catch
WHEN WILL THE NEXT SEASON BEGINS
HJ
when is the new season starting? I have been a faithful follower of these men and their boats. It would be a shame if we lose or change any of this show. PLEASE WE LOVE ALL THE GUYS !!!!!!!!!
Todd, you’re a sick pup and I like that! Could you imagine PHIL’s reaction if theis really WAS true? Whooooeee!
S. China seas…really? It seems unAmerican to me. The show was our guys in our waters struggling to survive. Time Bandit and Northwestern – my favs. Not sure if I’ll watch…but I do love the action!
DeadliestCatchIsOneOfTheBestShowsOnTV. Gotta Love Sig
the only time ANY show has nearly reduced me to tears…….RIP Phil Harris love the boys too
Been a huge fan for years, will surely miss the format if it changes. Love the usual crewes. Loved Phil Harris.
Pretty funny stuff! I’m glad to see Todd get more responsibility with the show. Season 9 will start in April, just like every year.
Should be an interesting time. Let’s see Keith explode over Asian people screwing up his fishing.
Love the show, I will certainly be tuning in for this season. Not so sure about the new setting but hey, you never know till you watch and see!!!!! If for some reason its a bust, I’ll continue to watch 1-8 all over again, even if I already know every “catch” by heart.
Can’t wait to see the new episodes, me and my wife love watching that show, can’t wait till April when it comes on. Hey cori we can be pen pals
beeeeerrrrr!!!!!
I hope they stay on American grounds but wherever they will be, I will be watching faithfully as always. God bless all the crews and can’t wait til the first episode!!! Deadliest Catch rules even though everyone misses Capt Phil. Lots of love and stay safe!
Are they not going to be crab fishing anymore?i still love the show and the guys. miss captain phil though.
Did the people who wrote this ever watch the show? Apparently they weren’t aware that, despite the title of the show, it’s about crabbing not fishing. That would be pretty “interesting” to see those American crab boats and crews attempting to catch fish. Oh wait, it’s satire, so such details don’t matter.
Oh yeah! Time Bandit has no problem protecting their crew! Jonathan has a pretty quick shot!!
I think a change is good it wil show that crabbing is not all the boys can do, I have to say I agree with the producer that the safety of the boys come first if the coast guard can’t be there all the time then yes it should be moved. Because you bet your arse if a boat was to go down there would be hell on from everybody about were was cast gaurd etc etc all I can say is roll on next season woop woop
I truly wish Josh Harris would step up and take his fathers legacy by the horns and run the Cornelia Marie.He has what his father has/had carisma. he can do it.long time crew member Freddy needs to come back to the boat as well. Josh has got this.
This has always been my favorite show. I have the utmost respect for all the guys out there risking their lives for us to enjoy the crab they catch!!!! Can’t wait for the next season and many more to come!!! I am also rooting for Josh and the Cornelia.
I am soooo excited for the new season of Deadliest Catch to start!!! This is guna be another nail biter season! Love all the brave crews especially the Time Bandit and Northwestern! May God bless them all with a safe trip and full pods!!!
I am not happy with the change of location I think it lose viewers I watch it because they catch crabs heanch the name deadlist catch.
Southeast Asian waters? I hope not!! Let’s keep an uniquely American show in American waters and off the coast of a State that no doubt benefits from the show!! Missing all the ships and crews and hoping that the show is back on soon. (I do have to say that the comment from Deputy Press Secretary Naoko Saiki is pretty darn funny!!)
People, read how that starts. First of all, it tells you it is a joke. Second, it is not just called crabbing, but crab fishing. So, yes, they are fishing.
Some people don’t realize that when you go out for crab, you are still fishing!
My husband and I love the show and miss Josh and Jake.
Hope to see ALL the cast back soon. #1 fans in Beckley, WV
I can’t imagine that Discovery was thinking of cancelling Deadliest Catch,what are they thinking.I started watching this show when buddies of mine told me about it half way through season 1 and have watched them all up to date and I love them guys and the show.Discovery,no Deadliest Catch no me watching your channel anymore.I don’t care where they go as long as I get to watch them catch crab and you can’t keep going into American waters,next thing the grounds will all be cleaned up,you have to move around for the other little ones to grow to the required size.Yes crab fishing is fishing du! By moving around to different waters is testy that’s why it’s Deadliest and to beat them waves.Hope the Cornelia Marie comes back and my favorite boats are Time Bandit,Northwestern,Sherbrooke,I like what and how Jr. Campbell fishes after last season he knows what the hell he’s doing and how to get his quota up high for a young guy,way to go Jr. Keith you gotta cool down before you pop your lid.
I’m a huge fan of this show and can’t wait til it starts in April,times a tickin’.